How long were you engaged?
Charlie Sheen or Chuck Lorre?
I was at LAX and needed a cab. I got into a cab with a lady, so we shared it. Then I realized the lady was actually Sade, who is still smokin’ hot at age 51, and the cab was actually her town car and she and I were alone in the back seat. I was excited. Then we gradually transformed into 1986 Sade and Robb, when she was 27 and I was 17, and we were both smokin’ hot. We were both excited. Then the driver pulled up to her hotel and we got out. Her hotel room was actually a condo. Inside she disappeared somewhere so my excitement was gone. She came back and said she needed a writer. I was excited again. We alternated between 1986 and 2010 Sade and Robb. I wrote something up for her and she looked at it and told me her writer was on his way over. The door opened and it was Jay Demopoulos, a great friend of mine from my TV days. She looked at what he wrote and we had both written the exact same thing. So she hired me to join her team but she said I had to leave right now while she and Jay worked. I was excited again, plus Jay is gay so I knew I still had a shot with smokin’ hot Sade. Her driver drove me home and then I realized that I had to get packed real quick because by now I was way late. Then I realized I had been at LAX dropping off Michelle for her flight and now I had to get packed and back to LAX to meet her in Seattle for our 7-day Alaska cruise. I hadn’t started packing yet and now I couldn’t find my suitcase or any clothes. And I couldn’t call Michelle to ask where the suitcases were because she’d ask “why are you only packing now?!” when I was already an hour late for my flight and I’d have to tell her it was because I had been at Sade’s condo trying to get 1986 Sade in the sack.
Ever wondered why they invented the internet? Wonder no more. I give you nothing less than Shatner and the very pinnacle of man’s achievement. Crank up you audio and start rockin!
Tonight I wrote emails to my U.S. Congresswoman, to both my U.S. Senators, and the the President. I guess you could say I was pissed off and scared. This was the first time in my life I have ever written to any of my elected representatives (and I let them know it).
Did it make me feel better? Eh.